Taking the Risk to Bloom
I think every entrepreneur has had her moment. That moment when you know it’s time to make a change or you risk settling for a mundane, unfulfilling life. It reminds me of the quote from Anais Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
I had my moment about four months ago. It was 8am on a weekday morning, maybe a Tuesday. I was sitting at my desk at work and preparing to check emails when it happened. My heart started pounding, my throat tightened and my mind raced. I couldn’t breathe. It was as if my body went into panic mode. But the morning was uneventful otherwise, so I was confused. I was in no apparent danger.
Fortunately, the episode ended almost as quickly as it began. But that’s all it took for me to know a change was warranted.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” — Anais Nin
Many things led up to that moment. My son was only a few months old, and it was hard missing out on so much time with him (#Momguilt is real). My 9–5 was going nowhere. Even though I worked for a great company, I was bored and felt like nothing more than an office drone. No matter how much I wanted it to be, it just wasn’t a good fit. I applied for a few jobs, but I kept getting rejection after rejection. And, in the center of all of this was the resounding call to do my own thing, which started over 4 years ago.
To make matters worse, my mental health was suffering. Some days I would come home from work crying and feeling defeated. I was losing hope that things would ever be better than they were.
Soon after that morning three months ago, I had my “now or never” moment. Once I saved up a good amount and got my husband on board, I decided that now is the time. Friday, July 28, was my last day at work.
I wish I could say that my first month being a full-time entrepreneur was a breeze. It’s quite the opposite. I never thought entrepreneurship was glamorous, but I underestimated how hard it would be to overcome certain challenges, like working around a super active 9-month old. I’ve had plenty of moments when I second-guessed myself, thought I would succumb to my chronic Imposter Syndrome and even searched for jobs. Yes, all within one month.
But, I would’ve never taken this leap without a daring faith in God. I trusted that this was the path He wanted me to take, so I have to trust that He will provide whatever I need to not only endure, but to succeed on this journey.
My main mission is to be a shining example of God’s faithfulness.
It’s been really hard to even put this out there. I’d be embarrassed if I told the world my dream only to fail. But I no longer have the time nor the energy to consider other people’s opinions. I’ve been waiting for this for so long, and maybe my story can help someone else write their own.
I’ll end with this excerpt that singer Miguel shared in his Instagram Story:
It takes guts to start a creative business. It takes guts to follow your passion. It takes guts to try and fail. It takes guts to go back at it until it works. It takes guts to live the life you want. So, congratulations: You have guts. Now, trust your gut.
